Stumbling onto a Former Me

Me, looking skeptical in 2006

Recently I received an automated email informing me that due to neglect, my LiveJournal account will soon be deleted...
LiveJournal!? What the Hell is that!? That must have been like 10 years ago... Well, my last entry was 2006 so seven years actually. There's something so strange about stumbling onto journal entries from the past. They usually contain reminders of things you've forgotten about -- people you no longer interact with, places you no longer go, activities you no longer participate in. It's like putting on an old pair of pants that don't quite fit anymore. Here's an entry I wrote back in the summer of 2006 while I was living in Tennessee with my parents, after I had just gotten my wisdom teeth removed:  


So here I am. I don't even know why I'm doing this, I hate online journals and the like. It just seems like an excuse to talk about oneself in an attempt to get everyone's sympathy/attention/envy/whatever. But I don't know, I'm aware my cynicism is reaching a dangerous level (aw, everyone feel sorry for me), so maybe I should just cool it and give you a report on my day. 

I woke up at a decent time this morning (9:30ish) to get ready for my visit to the oral surgeon. Unfortunately, I couldn't eat or drink anything 6 hours before my 11:00 appointment, so a full hour was way too much time for just a shower, but oh well. Regardless of too much time, I was late to the appointment on account of traffic (of course), but eventually got to the office five minutes after the hour and was immediately led to the chair of death. Actually, it wasn't that bad at all. They even gave me a blanket to keep me snug as a bug in my chemically-induced sleep. How sweet. The nurse placed heart monitors on my chest and hip as I commented on how sleepy I was already, not being able to consume my habitual morning coffee. She then put a mask over my face, saying, "we're going to go ahead and give you some laughing gas just to make you more relaxed" and we continued to make friendly conversation on the topic of caffeine until the surgeon came in the room. "You all ready to get this over with?" he asked. I'm sure I responded with something overly enthusiastic, but I can't remember. The last thing I can remember was him asking for my arm to insert the IV, accompanied by a comment on what "lovely veins" I had. That player. 

I honestly can't remember anything else until I was waking up about 45 minutes later with a mouth full of gauze (shudder) and a slightly swollen jaw. And before I really knew what was happening, I started crying. It was actually really funny because I wasn't in pain, I wasn't really all that confused, it just sort of happened. And it wasn't crying so much as it was me blinking and a light rain shower developing over the eyes and moving south to the chin area... which I couldn't feel, thanks to the Novocain. The nurse allowed my mother in and the two of them sat by my side, asking if I was okay in a soothing motherly tone until the surgeon came back in to wipe away my tears. I swear to God, he wiped away my tears (but I don't remember it... I also just barely remember informing my mother not to worry about me being emotional and that "I cry when I drink too much" to which she responded with a laugh and a "really? I didn't know that." I said, "well, you aren't supposed to know that." Smooooth. Apparently, the stuff they gave me made me rather talkative because I also remember my mother later saying, "why don't you just lie there and try not to talk." So the highlight of my day was getting my wisdom teeth removed. Booo. Well... that, and Vicodin. Ooh, and vanilla pudding. Okay, so it turns out I'm kind of sad, but whatever. Because right now, I've got a warm kitty on my feet, ice cream in my belly, and a Jacob Marley's Ghost-looking ice pack strapped to my jaw... which is more than you can say, my friend... more than you can say.

Fun with Layouts

The people at Groupon have such fun...

...I mean c'mon, there is NO way the creation of that ghoulish face is unintentional.

Envious of Cold

It being October and living in Houston, I find myself increasingly nostalgic for cold weather. Changing leaves, the scents of cinnamon and wood-smoke, the brisk morning air that requires a sweater or light-weight scarf. I think I actually got a little teary-eyed while staring at the L.L. Bean homepage today. I mean, c'mon. This screams "Autumn":

...Look at those guys with their bikes, in their sweaters, feeling crisp and cozy. They probably just had pumpkin spice lattes, too. Sigh.

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Whole Foods

Okay so I lied. It didn't happen on the way to the Whole Foods, it happened AT the Whole Foods. But it happened, all the same.

I always feel like I have weird interactions with the checkout people. Today was no exception. So I do my shopping. It's a super hot day, by the way, so you'll have to imagine me all gross and sweaty-browed. Oh! And unable to move half of my face on account of a visit to the dentist this morning. 

I get to the checkout and the checkout guy starts making small talk (as they always do at Whole Foods... it kind of annoys me). It's not that I don't like friendliness, it's just sort of... creepy... when total strangers ask you what you plan to make for dinner based on the ingredients you've just purchased. It sometimes makes me feel compelled to purchase the most absurd list of ingredients I could possibly think of. But then I would have a giant sea bass, a gallon of maple syrup, and a bulk supply of feminine hygiene products on my hands. We talk about how hot it is and how the city of Houston makes it borderline impossible for people to get around on foot -- The sidewalks suck (where there are sidewalks at all), and there are huge stretches along sidewalk routes with zero shade. Smart for 95º weather (and that's on a cool day.) But anyway, we're chatting and I start getting self conscious about the fact that there is a huge line of people forming behind me. But the checkout guy is really not moving very quickly and anytime I make a comment, he stops scanning my groceries and pays really close attention to what I'm saying. I guess out of politeness? At this point, it's important to note that I have brought my own bags to the store and I notice he isn't filling them. Before I know it, I've paid and everything and he starts to get out paper bags. Before he fully opens the first bag I cut him off by saying, "Oh, I brought my own" and he replies with an apologetic, "Ohhh, sorry. I noticed you had your own, I guess I just forgot." So to speed things along I help him bag my groceries, and when he puts the last item into the bag he sort of raises his hand in this weird, unexpected way. 

So I give him a high-five and say "good job."

I HIGH-FIVED THE CHECKOUT GUY AND TOLD HIM "GOOD JOB!" As if he were a little kid or something. He laughs, but it quickly becomes obvious to me that he had not raised his hand with the intention of high-fiving anyone. But it was too late, the damage had been done. In a desperate effort to be really casual about it, I add, "cool, have a nice day." I'm sure that un-weirded everything.

This is the kind of day it's been...